Supporting Self-Regulation in Children with Attention Difficulties

Children who struggle with attention are often among the most perceptive, creative, and curious in our classrooms and homes. Yet, these same strengths can sometimes make everyday routines feel challenging. A child who notices everything may find it hard to tune out distractions. A child full of ideas may struggle to finish one task before moving to the next.

These creative, thoughtful individuals often have difficulty regulating their emotions well. Understanding and nurturing self-regulation allows us to support children not only in maintaining attention and focus, but also in developing the mental strength that makes learning and growth possible.

Understanding Self-Regulation

Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage one’s body, emotions, and attention in a way that meets the demands of the environment. It is the foundation for all learning. A regulated child can remain calm enough to think, flexible enough to adapt, and focused enough to engage.

Self-regulation is not innate. It develops through experience, connection, and repeated practice. Young children first learn how to regulate their emotions by co-regulating with familiar adults. Co-regulation refers to the calm, responsive exchanges between a child and an adult who models steadiness and empathy. When we remain composed and consistent, children experience safety in our predictability. Over time and with practice, children begin to internalize that calm and carry it forward as their own.

For children with attention difficulties, regulating their emotions can be challenging. Their sensory systems may react more strongly to inputs such as lights, sounds, textures, and movement. Their emotional responses may rise and fall quickly. Throughout the day, even minor changes in routine can feel disproportionately challenging for them.

Emotional Regulation and Resilience

Behind every lapse in attention is often an emotional response. Frustration, anxiety, embarrassment, or boredom can quickly disrupt focus as students attend to their feelings rather than the task at hand. Emotional regulation—the ability to manage and recover from big feelings—is therefore inseparable from attentional control.

Children learn emotional regulation through modeling. When adults respond to outbursts with calm empathy instead of irritation, they teach that emotions can be managed safely. Simple reflective language such as “You’re feeling frustrated because the puzzle is hard. Let’s take a breath together before we try again,” will help children label and process their feelings.

At school, a calm-down corner or “reset area” can give students space to use self-regulation tools before rejoining the group. At home, a quiet spot with soft textures, books, or sensory tools can serve the same purpose. These are not places for isolation or punishment, but spaces for recovery and reflection.

Create Predictability to Support a Calm State of Mind

Predictability allows children who struggle with attention and focus to be prepared mentally and physically for change. It also reduces anxiety, which can otherwise trigger impulsive or inattentive behaviors. For many children, remaining calm and in control of their emotions depends on the predictability of their environment. When the rules, schedule, and expectations of the day are clear, the brain feels safe and can devote its energy to learning rather than scanning for uncertainty.

Remember, calmness is not the absence of energy—it is the ability to harness that energy in a controlled manner so children can learn, play, and socialize to the best of their ability. Both home and school settings can support this by offering:

•    Structured routines that stay consistent from day to day.
•    Clear signals for transitions such as songs, lights, or simple verbal cues.
•    Visual schedules that help children anticipate what comes next.

Organization and Engagement

Once a child understands the expectations of a typical day including the rules, routines, and daily schedule, they can begin to build the skills of organization and engagement. This stage bridges regulation and executive function, a set of mental abilities that allows us to plan, remember, and manage our time well.

For children with attention difficulties, organization and executive function don’t always come naturally. They may have strong ideas but struggle to begin, persist, or finish. They may appear forgetful or inconsistent, not because they lack motivation, but because their mental energy is spent trying to keep track of steps and transitions.

Adults at home and in the classroom can promote executive function by scaffolding external supports that guide children toward independence. These include:

• Breaking tasks into smaller steps. For example, instead of saying “clean up your desk,” try “put your pencils in the cup, then stack your papers.”
• Using visual aids and timers to make expectations concrete.
• Using first-next language such as “First this, then that” to help children follow steps in the correct order.
• Offering choice and ownership to increase engagement. For example, “Would you like to start with reading or drawing today?”

When tasks feel structured and achievable, engagement naturally follows. Children are better able to stay focused when they know what’s expected and when their efforts are noticed. Praise that highlights persistence reinforces the self-regulatory skills we want to grow.

Think of Attention as a State, Not a Trait

Attention is often misunderstood as a fixed ability, something a child either has or doesn’t have. In reality, it is a state that fluctuates based on energy, emotion, and environment. Our goal should not be to force sustained focus. Instead, our goal should be to help children learn how to shift between states of regulation that match the activity, know when to motivate themselves to engage in an activity even when they may not want to, control their impulses, and remain calm and in control of their emotions when they become upset or excited.

Teachers and parents can support this process by helping children identify how their bodies feel in different states. Small physical adaptations can also promote sustained attention. Here are a few suggestions:

• Allow flexible seating such as wiggle cushions or standing desks.
• Offer movement breaks between tasks.
• Provide quiet zones or headphones to reduce sensory overload.

When adults view attention through a regulatory lens, the focus shifts from control to support — from demanding attention to cultivating it.

Collaboration Between Home and School

One of the most effective supports for children with attention difficulties comes when home and school work together. Consistency across environments strengthens regulation. If a child uses a breathing strategy before reading time in the classroom, that same technique can be used before homework or bedtime.

Communication between parents and teachers should focus on what works, not just what’s challenging. Instead of describing behavior (“He won’t sit still”), share successful strategies (“He focuses better after movement or deep pressure”). This shared understanding reinforces progress and ensures that the child experiences regulation as a common language across settings.

Looking Ahead: Regulation Before Expectation

Supporting children with attention challenges begins with a simple truth: emotional regulation must come before expectation. A dysregulated child cannot listen, plan, or follow directions because their nervous system is in survival mode. When we first help them remain calm and in control of their emotions, attention and focus then become possible.

When adults view attention difficulties through the lens of regulation, we move from frustration to empathy, from control to connection. We stop asking “Why can’t this child focus?” and start asking “What does this child need right now to feel balanced enough to learn?”

That question changes everything—for the child, for the adult, and for the learning relationship that connects them.

Learn more about self-regulation, attention and more in Julie Tourigny's 3-book series from Gryphon House: Calm and In Control, Organized and Engaged, and Alert and Attentive.