In this episode of Early Childhood Chapters, host Emily Garman speaks with Dr. Ginger Welch, clinical psychologist, author, and early childhood expert, about how educators can better understand and respond to challenging behaviors in the classroom.
Dr. Welch draws on her decades of experience in homes, schools, and clinical settings to explain why children act out—not as willful defiance, but often as communication of unmet needs, anxiety, or trauma. She shares practical strategies from her book How Can I Help? to help educators shift their mindset, reframe behaviors, and build stronger relationships with children and families.
Key takeaways include:
✅ Viewing behavior through biological, environmental, and relational lenses
✅ Using a “trauma-first” approach when assessing challenging behaviors
✅ Recognizing how anxiety may appear as inattention or hyperactivity
✅ Practicing self-care through small, daily micro-strategies to prevent burnout
✅ Building positive, strengths-based relationships with families to better support children
This episode is a must-listen for early childhood educators, caregivers, and anyone seeking compassionate, research-backed strategies for working with young children.
Episode Transcript
Ginger Welch, PhD: Well, I'm so excited to be here with you today. It's great to see you again. I'm Ginger Welch. So I am a former early childhood educator, a former child development specialist/ home visitor, a current parent and an early childhood educator and psychologist, and I've been lucky enough to write two books for Gryphon House. First was The Neglected Child, over child neglect, and the second one was How Can I Help? A guide for early childhood educators on behavioral health.
Emily Garman: Great. So for those who haven't read How Can I Help yet, that is your book that we're primarily talking about today when we're talking about early childhood behavioral health and how teachers can address that. So can you give us a kind of an overview summary of the book and what led you to write it?
Ginger Welch, PhD: Yes, very personally driven, I would say, because I have had these really four kind of distinct roles or have worked in these four distinct settings with kids as a mom, in the classroom, in the home, and in hospital and clinic settings, working in clinical psychology.
I realized that every one of those roles, there was something that I really could have used in a previous role. I mean, parenting, of course, across the board, but as an early childhood educator, I thought, gosh, there's so much that I was missing by not ever seeing these children's homes. When I went into the home, I thought, gosh, there's so much I'm missing by not understanding the dynamics of domestic violence or substance use or just family dynamics and understanding that.
So at this point, after working for several decades, I thought, you know, I really want to write something that someone like me could have used in my early career to say, oh, here's all these different perspectives that can play into what makes a child present the way they do and just develop into who they are.
And so that's the idea is to kind of bring together those multiple perspectives into one place so that we don't just have our own training to tell us what to look at, but we can kind of borrow from other fields and increase the language that we share and the communication so that we can better support kids and their families. It makes sense. We're not one dimensional human beings and we are impacted by our environment.
So it makes sense to understand all of those things when evaluating a child.
Emily Garman: So you talk about these unique perspectives, you call them lenses in your book. There's biological, environmental and relational lenses that you can look at behavior and a child through. Can you tell us a little bit about what those lenses are and maybe an example of each one?
Ginger Welch, PhD: Sure. This is something I think I do it the hard way. As I went through my career, I was discovering things when this is all out there. But it didn't become really meaningful to me until I had worked in a number of places.
So the biological is kind of what the child is born with. It may be a diagnosis that we know they have from birth. It may be their temperament. Anybody who has known a baby knows there are babies who are cuddly and social and there are babies who are not social. That's not their preference to have tons of cuddling or maybe tons of rocking. And so there's some of that that they're born with. And so that biological lens is kind of respecting what the baby brings to the table from the get go, whether it's genetic or medical or temperament, it's who they kind of are.
The environment, as a teacher, I know I spend a lot of time thinking about my classroom environment and what it looked like and how much I put into what was on those walls. But it's also the home environment. And so as we think about the environment that child is in, it is our care. It is also where they are living or where they are staying, whether they have a permanent place, whether they have a permanent room, whether they have... you know, who's there to care for them? Do they have a grandma who's doing all of their caregiving? But that environment they're in, and is it a safe place? Is it a quiet place? Is it a chaotic place? Is it very child-centered? What is that environment for them?
And that third element is the relational part. And that is where we're really talking about children's attachments. Not only, you know, what is their housing like but what is their caregiving like? And do they have a reliable person who's taking care of them on the day that they are developing trust with that they can count on to feed them and to respond to them in a nonviolent way, in a caring way even to nurture them? And what are their relationships like?
When they're very little, they're very much on the receiving end of that, especially as babies. It's all about how those adults are responding to their cries and their needs and enjoying them and delighting in them even. So what are those relationships like? Because all of those really matter and contribute to even the littlest baby, how they expect us to be when we are taking care of them as other caregivers.
And that really is so challenging for any type of caregiver, whether you're working in a daycare environment or as a teacher, the different children in your care can come from such vastly different environments in all three of those lenses. And so it presents quite a challenge.
Emily Garman: One of the things I really like that you talk about, too, is when you look at a challenging behavior through those lenses, it It can really dramatically change the way you respond. You know, when we might initially respond with irritation or frustration with this behavior, we don't know why a child is doing it, but these lenses can help us. We'll have some empathy, certainly, but understand how we can respond in different ways to address the behavior.
Ginger Welch, PhD: Absolutely. And I think that's that is the big benefit is there are some children we just naturally click with. Right. Based on our own experiences, our own personalities. And that's not a bad thing, except where we don't give the same nurturing care to kids that we don't click with, who don't resonate with our upbringing and our expectations. And I think looking using those lenses helps us really kind of shine a light in the dark corners and go, OK, what is keeping me from wanting to spend time with this child or her being patient with this child? Some of us are great with kids who cling to our legs. Right. And are teacher, teacher, teacher, you know, I want your attention. And others really don't enjoy that. And a lot of times that's because of who we are. Right. Not because of who the child is.
But I think it helps us understand them, all the children in a way. that we can see what do they really need? What do they want? What are they asking for? And helps us respond to them. And I think it really is about making harmony between what we enjoy about caregiving and really being able to meet the needs of the children we serve.
And I think so many educators for a variety of reasons being being overworked having a lot of children in our care we maybe stop with the assumption oh this child is acting out this child is just behaving badly but one of the things you really encourage educators and all caregivers to do is to think about a child's behavior whatever it is as some form of communication. Why is that so important? in addition to looking at it through those lenses in figuring out how to really solve that behavior, address that behavior, and help that child in the process. Right.
When we look at all child behavior as very willful, meaning they're doing it on purpose, and we’ve all said that, right? And we can think about any child. We give a whole lot of credit to kids for being very... designing about getting what they want, or even people might say very sneaky, when in fact, that's really not what we think is happening at all. Kids act out of, very young children are acting out of a biological place. You know, they're crying because they have a need. Now that cry just comes right through them. It's not even, they're not producing it even on purpose when they're very little.
And so by just asking ourselves the question, okay, what if this child isn't doing this to annoy me or to doing this on purpose. If we take the blame, if we take our own annoyance, and I'll use that as just an example. That's a normal human feeling, right? We all get annoyed. I'm all day long sometimes. Even children that we love very much, we can find maybe are draining our nerves or our patience. And so we may say, oh, that child, that one I don't get along with that one. That one I just find very, very annoying and my nerves are very thin there.
Just by asking what else could it be can help us really reframe a child and bring us into a kinder and more compassionate place. And we're just asking the question, what if this child really isn't out to annoy me? I don't think most of us really believe that child is, but it can feel like that because our lives are stressful and caregiving is stressful and caregiving to multiple children who are in a very demanding place is stressful.
And so I think just asking the question, what else could it be? Could it be that they are really wanting me to take up for some extra caregiving? They're wanting extra nurturance. But the way you ask for it is by being very needy. or seeming very needy in our vocabulary. Children will ask for things without words and maybe without even the awareness that that's what they're asking for. when we as caregivers can reframe that and just ask ourselves, okay, what if the goal is not to make me feel more stressed? What if the goal is not for them to do this on purpose? What if this is a need?
It can really put us in a better place to receive that information and be like, okay, well, let's experiment then. Maybe what I need to do is read a story to this child that I'm not wanting to spend time with because I'm feeling really carried out. I'm feeling really drained. And I think it can help us back up and say, okay, what else might it be? What else might this child need? And that's an important question.
Emily Garman: And maybe they're just hungry or maybe they got to bed really late or didn't sleep well. I mean, it could be even just basic, like those lenses. And maybe it's just a simple biological thing. They just need a snack. I mean, I get frustrated and angry when I need a snack.
Ginger Welch, PhD: Same. Same. And I think that's, you know, that is a great example. So one of the complaints or questions that we get a lot is about food, you know, and children who might try to take food. So I'm thinking like a preschooler who might be trying to sneak some food into their backpack or their cubby or put it into their pocket.
When we just look at that behavioral lens, you know that can mean like oh that is against the rule we don't do that right why do you keep doing that you are doing that on purpose that is a very strict kind of behavioral view on that but if we back up and say okay what else might this child be telling us it can mean we don't have enough food at home, or I'm worried about my little sibling who also needs food and I want to bring this home to them. It can be an act of love to want to share a special treat with your parent, right? So it can be done of love. It can be done of need. It can be done of something in the past when there wasn't enough food, even if you have all the possible food available to you at home now. If there was a time you didn't, not having enough food, it really sticks. with us. And it really sticks with kids that feeling that it might not be there the next time I go to look.
So there can be lots and lots of reasons that a child might slip that cookie or that macaroni into a pocket or try to get it home, other than breaking the rule and upsetting us. Right. And so I think food is a really emotional issue. And that is a, I love that you kind of bring that up, because that is a great example of a time we can really step back and go, maybe this isn't what it seems. And if we know a little bit about that child's history and their home life, that can actually help us respond very differently. Sure. So what is a tip, kind of a mindset shift that a teacher can utilize in the moment to sort of remember this as they're going throughout the day instead of being reactive to the surface behaviors that we observe and experience?
How can teachers kind of remind themselves to just step back, take a second, maybe look through some of those different lenses and approach that behavior from a more compassionate, empathetic sort of place? Well, I love the term “brain architect,” and it's completely stolen. Other people have developed that. But the idea of seeing ourselves as caregivers, as brain builders and brain architects, instead of finishers, you know, we are putting down the foundation for the brain along with families. We are not like hanging the curtains in the windows, meaning we are not dealing with finished products.
When we have infants and toddlers and preschoolers, we are in the hotbed of brain development, especially those first five years. Super productive time for brain development. And so stepping back and thinking this is not about me getting this child to a polished place where they act like their brain is finished growing, but oh, we're watering this plant right now, right? This is where I'm supposed to be, is helping them regulate, modeling for them how to solve a problem, how to talk about a problem, how to use words. because we have seen them grow. By the time we're working with a preschooler, gosh, look what they've accomplished. We're walking, we're talking, we're making friends, we're feeding ourselves. We look like a really big kid, but our brain is not ready to do some things like an adult.
So I think part of that is recognizing, hey, we're a little earlier in the process of building this brain than maybe we sometimes feel like we are. So we are definitely growing the adults, building those brains, watering the seeds and not, not harvesting those crops, not, you know, polishing off that, that skyscraper we built. So that's, that's something I, I know I have done is to recognize, oh gosh, look, look what they're working on. Our self-control is two seconds long and building two seconds onto that is a major accomplishment.
So I'm giving ourselves credit for the, I think the minute detail that we really are working in just a few more seconds of excitement and attention and engagement. It means a lot. And we're really in that building phase.
Emily Garman: And looking at that as a long game. I'm responsible for this child at this period of development. I'm not going to expect the same things I would have of a senior in high school or something like that. And that can be tough because parents sometimes want that deliverable, but they are where they are. We were talking earlier about the food and that's a good example of how behaviors around food can be clues to other things. And one of the things you talk about in your book is kind of these trauma cues that could be mistaken for willful defiance. So can you talk about any of these kind of red flags that tell us that a behavior could be trauma linked versus just oppositional behavior? And, And like we've talked about a little bit, how that distinction can change our next step there. So when we're observing something, we don't react from, we don't miss an opportunity to identify some trauma that child might have.
Ginger Welch, PhD: Absolutely. And I think first this speaks to the importance of getting information about that child. Where has that brain and that body been? And what have they gone through?
And so building a relationship with the family is one of the absolute most important things we can do when it comes to trauma, whether that is the family they were born into, a foster family, an adoptive family, wherever they've been, we want to know what history they're coming with because there is a big myth that has persisted across the decades that no scars means no harm. And we know that's not true for babies. You can have no visible scars. Your trauma could have happened so early in life that you may not have a clear memory of it, but it can still impact the way you expect adults to behave around you, how safe you feel in places. when you were exposed to maybe a lot of early violence, for instance. And so I think it's important.
Those are kind of two foundational things is to build that relationship and to recognize that they don't have to be able to tell that story out for it to have influenced the ways that they respond to adults and to caregiving and to maybe even other triggers. I encourage all of us really to take a trauma first approach. If the child has been through something that we would call traumatic, chaotic, dangerous, however you describe it, especially if they were kind of bathed in that, essentially, if their brain was bathed in that early chaos and trauma and the frightening experiences.
Take a trauma-first approach, which means the first place we're gonna go to is could this be trauma? It's not the rule out. We're not gonna say, okay, well, let's wait till they're five and rule out ADHD. We're going to start with trauma and take that approach. first because we can do that whatever age they they are and work on building up those relationships and making the world a safe reliable positive place for them and that's part of what we do as caregivers as we're creating a safe space for them maybe while their family is also working to create that safe space and build up trust that they they weren't lucky enough to have there. So I think that's important and when we think, okay, could this child be responding to to my caregiving in a way, like they still respond automatically as though their previous caregiving was frightening or unpredictable.
Maybe at some point they were held and cuddled. And then the next time they cried, maybe they were hit or ignored for long periods, it's going to take a while for them to understand, oh, okay, this person is a hundred percent safe. When they come and get me, when I cry, this person is a hundred percent safe. And giving them that benefit of the doubt, we might see that as they're learning that, oh, maybe we cry a little bit more as we're testing. Like, well, is this person always safe? But they will get there if we give them that chance.
But I think go trauma first. We're going to take that as the first approach, as the first guess or explanation to their behavior before we would go to something like an ADHD or willful behavior.
Emily Garman: One thing that I hear a lot about in children, especially post-COVID, any children who were babies during COVID, whatever age and stage, we're all affected differently by having that experience. But One thing I hear a lot about is anxiety, children with anxiety, even in very young children. And you note in the book that anxiety can manifest sometimes like ADHD behavior, like that hyperactivity or even aggression.
So how can an educator who may not have a deep background in this kind of nuanced psychology, help tease those behaviors apart and kind of tell exactly what's going on. And I think a great first step is reading your book. What are some other ways teachers can assess accurately?
Ginger Welch, PhD: I will absolutely echo that anxiety is not only seem to be doesn't seem to be everywhere for kids, but it's everywhere in our adults as well. We're seeing it in our college age students. We're seeing it in the parents of the children. And so we may have a whole anxious family system. And that's something to take a look at, first of all, is our kids. can reflect not only the anxieties and the concerns of their families, but ours. When we talk to teachers, I mean, ask around in your center. Bring this conversation up. How many of us are dealing with anxiety? And check in with us. It's a big self-care point.
So anxiety in kids can look a little bit different, just like depression in kids can look a little bit different than what it looks like for adults. Irritability is a big sign. For that, even zoning out, which is why it's sometimes confused with ADHD is it can look like inattention when really we're having a mental escape. So those sorts of things absolutely can be mistaken for one another. We don't necessarily need in a classroom to be proceeding as though we have one or the other. One of the most important features is to make that classroom safe. And that is always the best thing that we can do for addressing anxiety, which is a lot about the unknown, right?
When people talk about anxiety, we're talking about something that we didn't want to happen happening again, we're talking about not knowing what's going to happen. And children can deal with that. So addressing it through making that classroom safe, I think is important and addressing that there is I'm going to use the term normative anxiety. In early childhood, there are periods when we know children are anxious because they are developing. They have stranger anxiety, right? They have separation anxiety. These are not anxiety disorders. These are typical.
So you're not going to be diagnosed with that when you're in this early childhood period because it's supposed to happen at certain times. You can have trouble adjusting because you are separated from your parents. It may be the first time you've been separated from that parent. You can have anxiety about a number of things that are very typical. Children, young children in the early childhood period have very typical fears. We're afraid of the dark. We are afraid of monsters. We go through some very typical fears. And so we want to respect those and not pathologize them. A child who's going through some of those things, we want to know really what's typical. And we don't want to diagnose it with an anxiety disorder when really what they need is security, predictability, and a calm caregiver to help go through those.
There's a lot of great children's literature that deals with anxieties specifically because it is such a touch point for all children, so I think having that emotionally healthy environment and recognizing, okay, what's typical and expected and maybe what is outside of that box And thinking about, again, if that anxiety could be trauma linked, if it can be linked to an event that has happened, a change in the child's life or routine or family. I think those are, again, good things to go to. And working patiently with them.
I think one of the greatest tools that we have as caregivers is to model that. So children with support can often start to sit down and do some more, increase that focus and be less irritable when we kind of help coach them through that. So when we are thinking about things that might make us anxious, you know, talking about our own strategies when we've got preschoolers, you know, they can benefit when we say, you know what, sometimes when I am feeling like my tummy has butterflies in it, because I'm very nervous about something, you know, what's something you do, we can model it for them. We can talk about thinking positively. We can talk about doing some of our belly breaths.
We can do, we have lots of things to help kids with that and providing that and making that very typical to address anxious feelings is another thing that we can do so that we're not necessarily having to do a diagnostic rule out. I mean, if you're really worried, always, you know, call, you know, encourage the family to call and, you know, let's look into it. But there's a lot we can be doing to just normalize some of the anxious experiences of childhood and then also share some strategies that we can see really, really benefit.
And I'm going to come back to it again. The relationship is one of the best ones we can do is build a nice relationship with our families and with our kids in our classrooms.
Emily Garman: I know as a parent myself, when my child is entering school and I know talking to other parents, we just see our child or our children, whereas teachers see hundreds of kids throughout their careers. And so parents might come in with a great deal of anxiety thinking, oh, my child has ADHD. My child has this. My child has this. And, you know, wanting this label when the teacher can kind of reassure them and say, no, this is very developmentally appropriate for a child this age. This is something we see all the time, separation, anxiety, things like that.
So, I mean, just by having some experience, a teacher can offer some context. I think that's really helpful for anxious parents. One of the things that we were talking about is that anxiety, I mean, that is pervasive throughout all ages and stages of life into adults, you know, the parents of children and stemming from COVID or just any myriad of other issues. And one of the things I think we're starting to talk about more is the incredible, how incredibly difficult it is to be a caregiver of a young child, whether that's in a childcare setting, whether you're a teacher.
We've always known that teachers are overworked and underpaid, but it's It's being highlighted more and more lately. I think we're seeing that, and trying to comprehend how teachers can withstand this incredible mental load and responsibility that they have. And one of the things you talk about in the book is approaching this with the idea of self care, but not how we might typically think of self care, which is go get your nails done or take a bath or get a massage.
But what teachers can really do to truly care for themselves, You call that treat culture, kind of that like, oh, I'm going to go treat myself. I'm going to have some ice cream and everything will be great, but it doesn't necessarily work like that.
So what are some things that teachers and educators and caregivers can do on a day-to-day basis to just keep themselves from burning out, feeling overwhelmed, like micro practices, I think you call them, that I'm really curious about?
Ginger Welch, PhD: Yes. Well, first of all, I'll say there's nothing wrong with a little ice cream now and then. It helps in the moment, but in the long term, we do need a little bit more. I'm a big fan of ice cream. I think one of the things I like to remind people and that I like to remind myself is just like you're taking pain medication, you want to get in front of the pain, right? When we are talking about stress management, you want to stay in front of the stress as much as possible.
So what I know, by the time I'm irritable and short and cranky, oh, I've waited too long, right? I needed to have done something for myself. I needed to have gotten on top of that stress maybe an hour, maybe even ten minutes before I realized I moved into that zone. So part of that is self-awareness of realizing, okay, this is my limit. This is how much I can take of this and getting in front of that.
And in terms of meaningful self-care, A lot of it, it happens here in the way we're thinking about things and the way we make sense of the sacrifices. Caregivers make incredible sacrifices all day long out of love and caring for their kids. And again, there's not a big paycheck at the end of that. It is often done for the love of the job, but that love can also burn us out. And so keeping thoughts when we think, “I hate this.” I'm burned out all day long. I can't take this anymore. That puts us in a place to be really sensitized to feeling burned out.
When we can find some love in that, and I'm not saying be unrealistic all day long, but when we can find some joy in the acts of love that we give to kids, instead of hating that we have to put food on the table, it's like, I get to hear these crazy stories about frogs and like the store finding some joy and hearing the children's stories or doing the caregiving can help us just boost us up just a little bit. And it is these little micro practices kind of all day long that we need.
And so, I mean, every few minutes we want to be checking in. Are my thoughts going, I hate this. Why do I do this? I'm exhausted. That's a sign we're on a slippery slope to not have anything else to give. Whereas if we can focus on finding some motivation, finding some love, finding some joy, finding some satisfaction, that can be great. Finding something to praise about ourselves. I've had some teachers tell me, you know, they think all day long, this is going in my book. Now, it may be the book you never write, but, you know, to help you find the humor. What I love about that is it helps you find the humor in your day. Like someday I'm going to write an incredible book about the stories children have told me.
And I think finding the little bits of joy and letting yourself find it just because you can find some joy in your day does not mean your day is not hard. And that is some troubling messaging that I do hear: if you can enjoy your day, then you're not working hard enough. And I think that's really dangerous.
Caregiving, it is so hard and so draining and tiring and physically draining and mentally draining. It is. And we don't want to downplay that. What you do is demanding every fiber of your being. But to find joy in some of that hard work can help. To know when you need to take a break. Where can you take that break? Where can you relax those muscles down? Every few minutes, checking in with your body, checking in with your mood. And when you take a break, taking a break. Figuring out what that is. I tell people all the time, you put a list on your phone, you write a list down of things you can do in one minute to boost your mood. Because that might be what you have when you can take a break.
If you get fifteen minutes to go to the bathroom and you spend the rest of the time ruminating on how much you hate it, how worn out you are, that is not filling you up for the next three hours. Right. What can you do that will point out to yourself that what where you are worthy, where you are finding joy, what you love. So keeping keeping on those thoughts, I think, is is really important and recognizing those slippery slopes that we are on our way to finding some joy.
And I mean, sometimes it is a matter of knowing that you need to walk outside on that break, that you need to actually physically move for one minute. Because there's no amount that's too short to be kind to yourself, but to be prepared for it. Because in the moment, and I'm super guilty, when I want to be mad about something, I will just stay mad about it. And I have to work really hard to be like, OK, you know what? Maybe I need to get outside and walk by that honeysuckle bush that I know smells so good or, you know, get some cold water or do whatever it is.
Things that I know are going to against my will help me feel better and to let go of the fact that I just want to be mad sometimes. They're. is room for so many ands in adult life too. And in this profession, I mean, it is difficult and challenging and there is joy and there are good days and bad days. There are just so many ands.
Emily Garman: Multiple things can be true at once.
Ginger Welch, PhD: Absolutely. And I think forgiveness is a big part of that. Because no one gets it right all the time. Not any parent, not any caregiver, not any teacher. Nobody gets it right all the time. We all run out of fuel without realizing we were running out of fuel. We, we have to recognize that that's part of the human nature in us that we are not perfect so when we need to we have to forgive ourselves and move on which is another hard lesson so if we didn't respond in the nurturing educational way we would like to respond, in the morning we have to fix that with that child. We may even have to apologize; you know ,I've certainly apologized to children. I did have time to read that I was just stressed about something else And then, okay, it's over. Now I'm going to step back into this role. And that's another strategy that I see is sometimes we have to play a role.
Right now, I am actually building little brains. And sometimes we have to act as if and then know that at the end of that day, we might need an even bigger boost before we go home to families because then we're taking on another role, right? But I think some self-forgiveness and recognition that no, nobody gets it right all the time. And giving ourselves the grace.
Emily Garman: One of the things we've talked about just today is looking at children's behaviors through lots of different lenses and considering many contexts and situations that can inform that behavior. And that's true for ourselves as teachers. And that is true for the parents and caregivers of the children that we are dealing with too. And that's another whole kind of lens or thing to consider. You talk about this more, I think, in your book, The Neglected Child, but you touch on it a bit too in How Can I Help?, but those are family risk factors.
So a child is very rarely experiencing trauma or difficult circumstances in a vacuum. They're not on their own. Their adults are experiencing that too, whether they're contributing to that for the child or whether they're going through trauma themselves. But how can teachers address this when they are observing or suspect that parents or caregivers' own mental health challenges can be fueling the child's behavior?
Ginger Welch, PhD: And that is a great question and a great point. No child exists in a vacuum. And that is that is so critical. I think I'm going to come back again to the importance of building the relationship with the family wherever you can. That is, you know, when I became an early childhood educator, I was all about the child. I didn't care if I ever saw a big person. I love working with kids. And it was a big eye opener to me. to realize how much of my work was working just with parents, talking just with parents and families.
And so building that relationship and making the family the center of the work can really be a shift, that they're not an extra, they're not an outside entity to just drop at the door and go and then they're ours. But that family and those interactions are alive and present in every child all day long and you will see it in there.
So wherever possible, I think do build that relationship with the family. And when you do things like family nights, Think about what families could really need. We use them a lot of times as kind of information dispensing opportunities. And we're like, it's parent meeting night. It's family meeting night. That is great. But I've seen some facilities and centers and homes do an extraordinary job. of really thinking about the unique needs of those families. And we're talking about stressed families. We're talking about high unemployment. We are talking about different mental health diagnoses. We're talking about families that need support services for getting connected to food.
So thinking about what do they really need and what would be meaningful to get them here and building some of those family night programs, those family communications around the very real needs of your family your community in that center and your facility. I think it is important, and I do want to say that every child, deserves and requires a safe home with enough, you know, enough resources, including people to care for them and nurture them and not just meet the basic needs, but meet their emotional needs as well.
So if you do have concerns that could bridge into abuse and neglect, you definitely, you want to make sure that you are reporting that so that family can use services and that child can have a safe family. But again, Many, many behavioral health issues for adults are not to that point. We can see parental depression can sometimes mean they're not in a place to have the energy to play. Anxiety can mean that they are preoccupied with something and have trouble engaging with the child. So there can be more subtle subtle symptoms of things going on with adults.
And so building that relationship and being a trustworthy person, both as the individual and as maybe a larger center, can create really meaningful connections for them. And there is a section in the book about what you might see in adults that can indicate that maybe just information isn't enough, that maybe we need some additional supports. But We take supports better; we take advice and information better when it comes from a trustworthy source.
Emily Garman: So when you establish a trusting relationship, that is the best thing that you can do really for that child is to build a trusting relationship with the people who care for them at home, their families. And that will come in handy, too, when sometimes you have to have difficult conversations with those adults about their child's behavior, perhaps. So one of the things you talk about is kind of doing a positive bookend when you have to deliver some information or have a hard conversation with the family.
So maybe you, you have to give some negative feedback back. Like maybe there's a disciplinary action that has to happen or even something like the child is being expelled, but you sandwich that kind of between positive things. Can you give an example of how to do that?
Ginger Welch, PhD: Yes. And I think having that relationship is going to help you more than anything, because as a parent, I can tell you, if the only thing that I ever hear is negative, I am not answering your call. And I am sending someone else in to check them out, right? I don't want to hear just negative things about my child.
And so build that relationship up and make sure that right up front, you have positive things, meaningful ways to engage with families, because every family will have to have a hard conversation about their child, whether it is educational, behavioral, medical, something. Those conversations come because as a caregiver, you're the most, you know, you're informed. So you're there all day. And so you're going to have to bring something up. So that kind of bookend method is you do want to start. It's also a strengths-based approach.
You want to start with some strengths, some good news. So I think one of the hardest conversations we have in at least the toddler years is fighting because it is something that is guaranteed to happen. It happens with the sweetest little children, but they all have teeth and they all, it always feels good when they bite down on something and it is at some point going to be someone else's arm or body part. And so I think that is a really emotional and difficult conversation to have with parents, both for the child who was bitten and the child who's biting. I've never yet visited with parents who were like, oh, good, this is great news. It's difficult.
So I think it's important to acknowledge if I was going to have that conversation, you do want to say, you know, I like to thank parents, you know, first of all, for being willing to have the conversation, you know, because it would be really tempting to avoid it. Thanks for being there. And for any previous efforts they've had, if it's not the first time, you want to acknowledge whatever you can. That child and that family has some strengths. And you are well advised to start by pointing those out because it sets everybody on a framework of, look what we've already accomplished. Look how much they've grown. Maybe they've been biting before and they've been using a chewy. And wow, we've had so much progress. We went from several bites to, until today, no bites. And for several weeks, we've been good.
And so you can really praise the collaboration and all the work that they've put in already because you don't want to feel like that's for nothing. You do want to be honest about what's happened. So we did have a bite today. And so I wanted to let you know that if you can't get the circumstances that it happened, it might be that you already uncovered. Gosh, it happens when they don't have the chewy today. you know the chewy got left in the bag or the chewy got left in the playground and by the time we got there we saw it happen and we couldn't get there and we just want to let you know that that happened, and we think we understand now why that happened.
And then the other side of that, the other bookend is what's going to happen now, because we want to make sure that we communicate with parents about our expectations. If we're talking about an eighteen-month-old, we need to make sure that we are upfront and saying, we don't expect you and we don't want you to do anything at home about this incident because it was handled right in that moment and an eighteen-month-old has no idea. So be very upfront. We're not expecting any punishment about this. There's nothing for you to do at home if your child was a biter other than bring that chewy back. You know, we'll work and make sure we have a note on the sign-in to make sure we get that out of your bag tomorrow. But I think that's a really important part is, okay, what next? Or why does this matter?
That we want to have another part of that plan and make our role clear and make sure, especially, I think that's something that's very important to me to always talk about as parents will feel like, okay, well, I'm going to punish them at home. And we want to be very clear that that's not what we're asking for. It's been handled. We want to plan for tomorrow. And again, thanks for being involved. Thanks for all the commitment.
It's just respect in the same way we would do that with another adult. We want to make sure that we're respecting, having that kind of respectful communication about children to their adults, because it's, I think it really is the most respectful way that we can communicate is to take a strengths-based approach.
Emily Garman: Okay. This is always the hardest question of any interview. I'm going to ask you to kind of wrap it all up in a nice little bow with the beautiful soundbite. Okay. So, you know, one kind of takeaway that summarizes everything that you want teachers to know and you want them to remember, what is something just that you want educators to take away from your books, your work, this interview? No pressure.
Ginger Welch, PhD: No pressure. Okay, let's see. How long can I make one sentence? I think... I think I would say, please know that you are essential architects in building young children's brains and giving them the foundation for healthy development, cognitive development, emotional development, social development for their entire future.
You are building a critical foundation in the first five years. Building that as a team with their families will make it even stronger when you can build that relationship. And I think keeping in mind that building a relationship with the family and modeling and taking care of yourself are probably the two most important things you can do to facilitate children's development. Keeping yourself healthy, calm, modeling with your words, your body language, your tone of voice, that we are literally coaching children as their brains develop.
And part of our coaching team, I am not an athlete. I'm using an athletic image here, and I don't know why, but I think seeing yourself as a coach, that the parents and the family are part of that same team as you are developing this brain, a not finished brain, but the foundations for it. That is what I encourage you to do. And underneath that, you cannot do that by tapping it out. Self-care is absolutely essential. And I mean micro behaviors all day long. Ten points of self-care. My challenge to you for tomorrow. Put it in all day long. Take care of yourself. Change those thoughts where you are tearing yourself down. Build yourself up and let yourself feel good about what you do. But your self-care, your ability to regulate your emotions and coach children through theirs, is one of the most essential things that you can do.
Emily Garman: Great. Thank you so much, Dr. Ginger Welch. Let us know where people can find you. Where can we find your books at Gryphonhouse.com? Are you on social media? I have a website. It's drgingerwelch.com. I should work on that social media. You That's okay. We'll put your website in the show notes and folks can find you there. Ginger, thank you so much for being with us on Early Childhood Chapters. Thank you.
