Parent-teacher conferences can feel rushed, overwhelming, or even intimidating—for both educators and families. But when done well, these conversations can build trust, strengthen relationships, and set children up for success.
In this episode of Early Childhood Chapters, we talk with Tricia Shelton, EdD, author of Partnering for Success: Effective Strategies for Parent-Teacher Conferences. Drawing from her dual perspective as both an educator and a parent, Dr. Shelton shares practical strategies for turning conferences into meaningful two-way conversations rather than checklist-style meetings.
Listeners will learn:
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How to avoid common mistakes educators make in conference preparation
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Ways to build trust with families before, during, and after the meeting
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How to balance academic updates with insights into the whole child
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Why culturally responsive communication matters—and how to practice it
Episode Transcript
What follows is a lightly-edited transcript of our interview.
Emily Garman: Welcome to Early Childhood Chapters, the podcast from Gryphon House Books. Today we're talking with Tricia Shelton, EdD:, the author of Partnering for Success, Effective Strategies for Parent-Teacher Conferences.
With conferences for the fall just around the corner, Dr. Shelton is sharing practical ways to build trust, strengthen communication, and make these meetings truly meaningful. So let's get started. Dr. Shelton, you begin this book by reflecting on your own experiences, both as a teacher and a parent. How did these dual perspectives shape the way you approach parent-teacher conferences?
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Yes, so my oldest child was on the autistim spectrum. And as a youngster, he was in early intervention services. So parent-teacher conferences, parent engagement was a big part, a big component of that experience for us. And I can remember on his very first conference, just being so excited, you know, as a classroom teacher, now to be on the other side of the table.
And I brought all of these materials and all of this paperwork of best practices of things that worked really well for working with my child in the home setting. And I came down and I sat in my seat and the teacher looked at me and she said, there's only 10 minutes that we have to talk. So we really have to focus on getting all the things that I have listed here discussed.
And it was more of this sense of these are all the things that are wrong with your child and you need to go home and figure out a way to fix it. And I can just remember feeling so devastated as a parent and I felt sad and just frustrated with my child. And I don't think that any parent or caregiver should leave a conference feeling that way. That experience really stayed with me over time and now, anytime that I sit down with parents, whether it's an official parent-teacher conference or something informal that I'm doing, or just listening to a parent to understand their perspective, I always keep that experience in mind. It just reminds me to be empathetic and sensitive to the family's perspective.
Emily Garman: I know that many teachers are for whatever reason, they're faced with those limitations like you discussed. mean, 10 minutes isn't even time to barely begin a conversation, much less have one. But I know that sometimes teachers can dread the parent teacher conferences because they can feel rushed or even adversarial. I mean, you felt that when you felt that you were being told, here are things wrong with your child. So some of those things are out of educators control. The time of the conference may not be something that they can control, but what are some common mistakes that educators make in preparing for these meetings or approaching them and how can they avoid them?
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Yeah, that's a great question. think one of the first things that we can do is stop treating conferences like a checklist. Cause many teachers do, like they think about, okay, talk about grades, check, talk about behaviors, check, talk about test scores, check. When in reality, a conference is a conversation first and foremost. So it should be about that give and take. as the teacher, I should expect to spend just as much time listening as I do talking in the conference. So I think that's the first place that we need to start.
The second mistake that a lot of teachers make is that they ignore the family's perspective. They kind of go into it looking like this is going to be one-sided. I'm going to share all the information that I have with you, and then you take it with you and you do your thing and I do my thing. And that's really not a productive way to look at the conversation.
Certainly, we want to be able to share our perspective because families and teachers have two very different points of view. The family has information on the child that I don't know, but I also have professional information to share with the family. So we want to be able to give both areas an opportunity to share their input. So that means that we're going to come to this conference setting having some sort of purpose in mind.
And we're going to prioritize a couple of key ideas, but the conference should still be flexible enough that families feel like they can really contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way. So we're going to be prepared and we're going to help families feel prepared, but we're going to do it in a way that's more than just organizing information and preparing paperwork, but instead preparing our own mindset that this is a partnership and not a performance review.
Emily Garman: And I know your book emphasizes building trust with families and that's got to be huge. What does trust look like in a conference setting? I know when I've sat down with my child's teachers over the years, it's so important to me that we feel like we're on the same side, that we're on the same team. So you have talked about shifting conferences, like you said, from these one-way reports to really two-way conversations. And some parents may be really nervous. They may not know what to expect, especially with a young child. Maybe this is their first time to do one of these. how can teachers balance that academic discussion with social-emotional insights and just looking at the whole child and making sure that they're working together with the family?
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Yeah. First I want, want to address what you talked about with trust because very often when we think about trust and we were looking at it in the family teacher perspective setting, it's not something that's just happening right then. Trust has to be built over time. Same as for any kind of situation that we might have, like we have trust with your friends or your family. It's built over time. It's not just something that you just create through osmosis.
And the same thing happens for teachers. You have to work at it just like you would with anything else. It's creating like these responsive behaviors, doing what you say you're going to do time and time again, builds trust among families, having that genuine interest in the child, knowing what they're good at, knowing what their strengths are, knowing what their needs are, and most importantly, establishing a sense of safety. So we all know that safety is important for kids.
Right? So in the classroom, kids have to feel physically safe. They also have to feel psychologically safe. So do family members. So nobody wants to come to a conversation and feel like they're being judged the whole time. In my book, I talk a little bit about just kind of being in check of our biases, remembering that our experiences with school, whether they're good or bad, and typically as teachers, we tend to have some good experiences.
That's one of the most powerful motivation for going into school, right? But we want to remember that everyone's experience with school is not like ours. Not everyone had family members to tell them that school is a safe place, teachers are trustworthy. So sometimes families are bringing a lot of that with them to the conversation.
So as teachers, we can start to begin to shape that narrative around how people think of school through building these trust experiences with families. We can avoid making assumptions about families and their dynamics and what they value and, how involved they are. Because those types of behaviors just make families feel judged and they're really in opposition to having an inclusive environment. And I really believe, you know, Emily, practical trust just begins with starting with strengths.
Very often, as you had mentioned, like the conversation feels very rushed. And we want to get through everything, but why not start with some of the strengths, you know, sharing some things that children really do well, some things that are special about them, some things that we admire about them and not just the common everyday thing. So, you know, there's always a little one in every classroom who loves dinosaurs, right? So instead of pointing out how much that child loves dinosaurs, find that, you know, unique way of being that that child has.
In the book, I talk a lot about how to find those kinds of special things that make that child unique, that make that child stand out. And so when we can share those things with families, we are really telling them, I know your child, not even on a surface level, like a real deep knowing of your child. And the last part for me for breaking down barriers and establishing trust is reminding families that they are part of the learning community, that this is just what we do in this classroom, that we connect and we want families to contribute and we want to engage families because that is what we do. So just doing things like substituting educational jargon for family-friendly language or being transparent about these are the things that I know and these are the things I'm still learning or trying to figure out.
Those things go a long way for families for helping them to feel like the teacher is trustworthy. And then, you know, I always lean in onto some of the simple things like welcoming families when they come to the classroom and pronouncing names correctly, using good eye contact. Those simple, simple things help families to know that they are valued.
Emily Garman: One of the things you talk about that I think is so important with this piece, and again, the time constraint is so difficult, but culturally responsive communication. You cover this a lot in the book. Sometimes, like you said, we all have different experiences with school. Some of us in education have had positive experiences. Many people have not. Many teachers are coming from drastically different backgrounds than their students, and they’ve got to be aware of that without making assumptions. And that's very difficult. Can you talk a little bit more about that? Do teachers receive training in that?
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Some teachers do, and depending on their professional background and the training that they may see themselves, they may have a lot of training or just a little bit. But one of the things that teachers continually do is just grow their own cultural competencies, which means that they're out in the community. They're learning things about families. They're learning things about the individual families. That's sometimes what we call funds of knowledge.
What are the things that families do really well? What are those assets and those resources that families have that they are able to capitalize that I, as the teacher, might tap into to help that child be successful? And also that recognize the special things about the family too. You know, those things help the family to feel valued, to have agency, and to have some ownership in the conference and ultimately in some decision-making for the child too.
Emily Garman: You've talked a lot now about how teachers can prepare and be ready so that they can maximize that 10 or 15 minutes that they may get, but how can educators in the classroom and administrators help families be prepared and come to that conference ready to have it make the most of that time? Because of course, families are busy. We don't want to ask a lot of them. It's great that they even show up for the conference, but how can we help families be more prepared for those conferences?
Tricia Shelton, EdD: No one likes to have their time wasted, right? I hate busy work. You probably hate busy work and families hate busy work too. So if we can make that time feel valuable to the family member, then they will feel valued. So preparation is huge on both sides. So for parents, one of the simple things that we can do is make sure that the purpose is really clear. No one should come to a family teacher conference, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what we're going to talk about.
So maybe reaching out to the family members ahead of time and letting them know, these are some key areas that we're going to review. And that way, the family can take a little bit of time to reflect on some questions that they might have, some input that they might be able to offer, and just kind of be prepared for what might be said during the conference.
I even just sending home a few quick guiding questions ahead of time or a short overview of the conference can help family members feel prepared and less anxious about the conference in general. And again, that kind of goes back to what we were talking about establishing that trust because nobody feels blindsided then.
Emily Garman: And that's even the key point to think about too. I mean, we might approach the conference as kind of an exciting thing. We're excited to talk to parents about their child and their child's progress and how things are going and even the challenges their child are facing. But that family might be very nervous and scared, they don't know what's going to happen and almost be reluctant to come in. So helping them prepare and understand exactly what's going to happen and that it's not a time of judgment, but a time of collaboration is important.
I imagine every teacher has faced at least one really difficult conference. I know that I have a lot of friends who are educators and they've all told me the story of the one conference that keeps them up at night. Maybe the parents are defensive or they've had to deliver difficult news to the family, but...What are some ways you can think of that can help educators turn those challenging moments into more trust, more productive conversations?
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Yeah. And I'm so glad that you mentioned this, Emily, because difficult conferences are a part of the process and they're one of the ways that we learn as teachers how to do things better. So one of the first things I say to teachers is that you're going to have difficult conferences. If I had a magic wand and I could wave it and make them go away, I would, but that's not realistic. We know that that's just part of what happens sometimes when you have two individuals that are engaging in a deep conversation, which is what we want for family teacher conferences.
The key first is to listen and not react. Families might be really defensive for a lot of reasons. And often it has nothing to do with us as teachers. They could be worried. They could be overwhelmed. They could have had a negative experience with school as we talked about earlier. They could have sat in traffic on the way to get there, or they might've had to take time off to be at this meeting. But lots of different things kind of filter in and act as a lens for that conference. So the first thing that we need to do as teachers is to remember that it's not always about us and to kind of put that to the side for a moment. And then we really want to listen what's being said. And we can follow up by validating families.
Like, “I hear that you're concerned” or “what you're sharing seems really frustrating.” And in that way, families feel like they're being heard and seen. And then you can move forward with, we both want to see your child be successful. What are some things that we can do to partner to move forward? And we can do some of that by asking some open-ended questions, asking families for their perspectives, and really taking the time to listen to their point of view.
I also tell my teacher candidates a lot to consider what you're saying. Oftentimes it's not so much what you're saying, but it's how you're saying it. So imagine that person, that child that's really important to you. So maybe it's a sibling, maybe it's your own child, maybe it's a neighbor or somebody that you babysat before.
Just taking a moment to put yourself in the caregiver of that child's place. What am I saying? And how would it sound for somebody who really cares about that child? Now, certainly as teachers, we care about all of our students, but sometimes we get so in the moment because we live and breathe in this world that we forget that we're talking about someone's child. And that's what these conversations are about.
We're not talking about just test scores and grades. We're talking about someone's child. And sometimes we forget that. So taking a minute to kind of reflect and get yourself in the place where you are really mindful that this child is someone's hopes and dreams out there walking around in the world; this helps you to just kind of be a lot more sensitive, then making sure that we're clear to parents.
Because sometimes when we say things as teachers, again, because we're very familiar with this world, it all makes sense to us. But having documentation, and I talk in the book about a lot of different types of documentation, because often, you know, we think documentation, think test scores, data, right? But there's lots of different types of data that we can use. So video, audio clips, samples of students' work, even student interviews.
Even very young children, three or four years old, we can ask them, what do you like about school? What's hard for you? And sharing that information with parents is really very, very useful. So being able to share with them, this is what I mean when I say your child is having difficulty focusing. Because I can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. Helps to make it very clear what the message is.
And then remembering that amilies are going to advocate for their children in ways that are sometimes just really frustrating for us. We always want to make sure that we're taking the high road and that we are modeling pro-social behaviors. And sometimes that means that we just have to close the conversation. We have to stop it for this moment and come back with new goals and new ideas of what we're going to do next.
Emily Garman: Those are really difficult skills to master. I'm sure they get easier with time, but maybe not a whole lot easier. I want to tell you a story about a parent teacher conference that I experienced as a parent. And then I'll ask you a question about it just briefly, but I have one child and when she was in kindergarten, we had the first conference and we had been talking to the teacher before that. She was great about communicating with families, but we heard at the conference when we went, that our child was having some trouble and needed some interventions. And it was hard to hear.
We had to sit with it, but we also realized, we went home and talked about it and realized, okay, we know this one child, we know her very well, but this teacher has seen thousands of children in her career and can see patterns and behaviors. And when she sees certain things that signals to her there's more information there than we know. And we've got to trust the resources that she's offering us with her expertise and experience with so many more children than we do. And she was able to connect us to the resources. I mean, it completely changed our child's life and the trajectory of her education and everything for the better.
I think that teachers are the resource to help the families and students, if we will just trust them and let them. And like you've talked about, so many ways to build that trust. I think sometimes the things we learn at conferences are really difficult, and educators need to remember that. But also if we will just say, yes, I trust you, and let these teachers help, we have so many resources available to our kids that those teachers are the main point of connection with. I mean, that's just my story, but I'm curious if you have any stories of conferences from your career or people you know that really stand out as being something that was such a turning point in a child's life.
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Well, I think about some of my own experiences. You know, I have three children. I talked a little bit about my oldest, but I'm going to talk a little bit now about my youngest and just kind of recognizing that she was really struggling in school. And as a teacher having that background, I felt like it was something that she would kind of move through and that she would overcome through some supports that I was offering.
And as a teacher, it was really difficult for me to step aside for a moment and process that idea that maybe the teacher knows a little bit more than I do in this situation because she is working with, at the time my child was in third grade, she's working with third graders all the time. And as you mentioned, she had that really kind of specific expertise, but it was difficult.
As somebody who has a background in education, really felt like I saw it as a failure for me. And I feel like a lot of parents feel that way. That when their child is not doing well, that they see that they see it as something that they are not doing well and something right, right. And so that makes it a little bit more difficult for parents to embrace.
From the teacher's perspective, one thing that I would mention is that we need to kind of give parents an opportunity, as you talked about, to process this. I think you used the words; to sit with it for a moment because we do have that area of expertise and we recognize this as something that we're gonna work together on, we're gonna partner through and we are gonna help that child be successful with.
But the parents may need a moment to just kind of think about what does this mean to me and what are some of my next steps to do. So when the teachers come to the conference and they've had an opportunity to kind of think through some of those situations, they kind of come a little bit ahead of families. And we have to give families a minute to get caught up.
Emily Garman:
Yeah, that's really valuable. just the news we might receive can even change our ideas of what our child's life was going to be like or what their educational experience was going to be like. And that is a lot. I think it's a lot for families, especially if they kind of had no idea. And like you said, they do feel like, what did I do wrong or how did I fail? We tend to blame ourselves as parents for sure.
Tricia Shelton, EdD: Absolutely. You know, and you had mentioned earlier about this idea of like that social emotional growth as early childhood educators, we should always be focused on the holistic view of the child. So even if the child is struggling with academics, that should not be the only view that we are taking of that child. It's important that teachers are reflective in their understanding of students.
And that's where that professional insight that you were talking about that, that background and behavioral knowledge and behavioral theory comes into play because it becomes the space where teachers can frame academics within a bigger picture of that child's development. So, you know, that means that the teacher can share with the family, social, emotional skills that might be hidden. you know, again, those special ways of being for that child.
So for instance, if we're praising that a child is making progress in reading, there's a lot of other social emotional skills that are in play there. If that child is doing well in reading, then you know, they're obviously pretty persistent, being able to uncover the meaning of unfamiliar words or how to pronounce unfamiliar words. That shows persistence, that shows resiliency.
If they're picking out books that they're interested in, that's metacognitive skills. So being able to share with parents, you know, these are some things that your child is doing well. One, we're going to show how those strands of skill sets and, and, and academics kind of fit together and weave together to, to build this wonderful child. But we're also giving them insight of what I know about your child and how we can work together to build some of these skills that might be lesser known, or might not be the skills that parents immediately think of when they think about how well their child is progressing.
Emily Garman: Well, thank you so much, Dr. Shelton, for joining us today. If folks listening would like to dive into these strategies more deeply, we need to make sure that check out your new book, Partnering for Success, Effective Strategies for Parent-Teacher Conferences, available now from Gryphon House. And we will have links to any online resources that you have, social media, that kind of thing. We'll put those in the show notes.
And as always, thank you for listening to Early Childhood Chapters. We'll see you next time.
