Early childhood directors are responsible for staffing, licensing, family concerns, budgets, classroom challenges, and whatever unexpected problem appears next. But being in charge does not mean doing everything yourself.
In this episode of Early Childhood Chapters, host Emily Garman talks with Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD, and Amy K. Powell, PhD, authors of It’s Fine! Everything’s Fine! (And You’re in Charge.): Real-World Wisdom for Early Childhood Directors.
Jill and Amy share practical, compassionate strategies for building a team you can trust without trying to carry every responsibility alone. Their conversation explores how thoughtful hiring and onboarding can improve retention, why delegation benefits both directors and staff, and how leaders can respond to workplace conflict without becoming responsible for fixing everyone’s feelings.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Most importantly, Jill and Amy remind directors that everything cannot be the most important thing at once. Breathe. Think. Prioritize. Act. And remember that you are not alone.
It’s Fine! Everything’s Fine! (And You’re in Charge.) is available now from Gryphon House Books.
What follows is a lightly edited transcript of our episode.
Emily Garman:
Well, if you're an early childhood director who feels like you're responsible for everything, everywhere, all at once, this episode is for you. Because leadership shouldn't mean carrying every problem by yourself.
Welcome to Early Childhood Chapters, a podcast from Gryphon House Books. I'm your host, Emily Garman. Today I'm talking with Dr. Jill Jacobi-Vessels and Dr. Amy K. Powell, authors of It's Fine! Everything's Fine! (And You're in Charge.): Real-World Wisdom for Early Childhood Directors. We're talking about some of the challenges directors tell us are keeping them up at night: staffing and retention, delegation, staff conflict, burnout, and how to build a team you can actually trust.
Jill, Amy, welcome to Early Childhood Chapters. I'm so glad to have you here today.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Thank you, Emily. We're excited to be here today, and thank you to everybody for listening to the podcast.
Emily Garman:
So, to kick us off, you two met through the National Coalition for Campus Children's Centers, and your friendship eventually became part of the reason this book exists. How did you go from being fellow directors who could commiserate with each other to realizing, “We actually have something we need to share with other directors”?
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
I think it was COVID that did it. We met online during COVID and had never met in person. Directors were facing a lot of challenges that none of us had ever faced before. Being able to talk with other directors about “What are we going to do? How are we going to isolate children from other classrooms? How are we going to get them from the front door to the classrooms?” made a tremendous difference.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Amy was just likable, so we started talking with each other and kept sharing more and more ideas. It became a long-term friendship.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I think what happened, too, was that in the organization where we met,
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
we always had an annual conference. But that was the once-a-year gathering in person. You saw people, and then you went back to your day jobs and looked forward to the next year. But the need for connection and information, and the question of how to solve the problems COVID created for all of us, really brought us together on a more regular basis. We had opportunities to see and talk to each other in the Zoom world for quite a while. Jill and I, like she said, just clicked and then started doing presentations. A couple of years ago, we caught the attention of Gryphon House and realized that we do have something that is not just, in our opinion, worth sharing, but that fills both of our hearts because we feel it can really help other administrators.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
You'll probably hear us repeatedly say, “You're not alone.” This can be a very lonely professional position. We came together and created something that will hopefully be useful to others.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
I think we were both amazed at how often we agreed and had done things very similarly, even though we had never met and worked in different states. It was good to hear that you weren't crazy and that somebody else who really understood what you did agreed with you. But we don't always agree on things. We agree on best practices, but if we come across a disagreement, we'll talk through why.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
“This is why I think this, and this is why I think that.” In the end, we realize that we really do agree.
Emily Garman:
That sentiment of “you're not alone” really does come through in your book, and I felt that so much from you two. Recently, we did an EdWeb webinar with you where you talked about the book and answered questions in a presentation for a large audience. It's nice that we can use the podcast to build on that, since there were some questions that didn't get answered.
Emily Garman:
We can also think about the themes that came up during the webinar. I want to start with the biggest issue we heard from attendees: staffing. That includes staff call-outs, people calling in sick, turnover, being chronically understaffed or feeling like you are, and drama between staff members.
Emily Garman:
So when staffing feels like this fire that never goes out, where should a director begin?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I'm going to say you have to begin at the beginning. It starts with who you hire, who you bring into your program, and the effort that goes into finding the people who are the right fit based on the vision and mission of your program. There is going to be turnover.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
There are going to be call-outs. Anybody who's been in this position for more than a minute knows that is just part of the job. But Jill and I agree that there are many things you can do proactively to better ensure you have the right people in place and hopefully reduce turnover and call-outs. Sadly, sometimes a call-out means, “It's not the place I want to be today,
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
so I'm not feeling well, and I'm not coming in.” You want to make your program a fit for the people, but you've got to find the people who fit into the program.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
I think it actually begins before you start interviewing. You have to really think: Who are we? What is our center? What do we believe in? What are we looking for? What do we need? Then, very carefully craft
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
open-ended questions that go a little deeper.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Ask things like, “What do you need to be happy in your workplace?” or “What would you tell your best friend to look for when they're looking for a great child care center?” Then you find out what they think or know makes a great child development center. You can also ask, “What's your biggest strength in working with children?” and “Tell us about a moment of conflict and how you handled it.”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Oh, that's a good one. Really listen.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
You're trying to identify those who might be a little more prone to drama. You can't ask, “Are you a dramatic person? Do you overreact? Are you a bad teammate?” Those are inappropriate questions, and you're not going to get honest responses. But you can ask, “Tell us about a time when you had to navigate conflict with a coworker or colleague. What was going on? How did you handle it?”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
You'll be surprised by what people disclose. That can be helpful.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Amy, I love that you label them “drama mamas.” Unfortunately, people tend to put their best foot forward during an interview and say what they need to say. But if your questions are well written, you can hear little bells going off at certain moments. We encourage you to pay attention to those bells and not just hire somebody because you need somebody.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
We truly understand that sometimes you just need a body to cover your ratios, but you will regret that. Take a deep breath and really listen to the answers before you make a decision.
Emily Garman:
In the book, you make the point that hiring is really only the beginning. Once you've got your staff, what is so crucial about those first few days and weeks? What might directors do, intentionally or unintentionally, during that period that could send a good new employee right back out the door? Instead, what does a really strong first month look like?
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
The first thing I would say is don't throw someone into the classroom to sink or swim because you're out of ratio and just hope for the best. They'll sink. You need to schedule time and be very intentional about your onboarding process. Give new staff a warm welcome. When they arrive, give them a tour of the building. Don't just say, “Here's this classroom, and here's this classroom.” Personalize it a little.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Introduce them to people as you move through the building. Show them where they can store their personal belongings and where the break room is. Say, “Here's a refrigerator where you can put your lunch, and there's the coffee pot. Help yourself anytime. Here's the bathroom.” That way, they're not totally lost during those first couple of days.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
You can also add some nice touches, like “Welcome, Stanley” signs, so Stanley feels good when he walks in the door on his first day. You might have a little tote bag with items bearing your center's logo, or put some cookies in the staff lounge with a sign that says, “Welcome to our center, Stanley.”
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Those are some steps you can take to avoid the attitude of, “We've got you. Now let's see if this works.”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
We use a very intentional orientation on the first day of employment. Between us, our HR department, training, and meetings with our other two administrators, they are in orientation for at least five hours. That time is spent going over expectations and the handbook, doing the things Jill just mentioned, giving them the lay of the land, and introducing them to people.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Then we might put them in the classroom for a couple of hours that first day, just to be in the space. Hopefully, they're there because of the children. That's why they want to be there, so we want to feed that part of them without overwhelming them. I absolutely agree with Jill.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Don't just throw them into the classroom because you need them. That is going to be their space, and you would be inappropriately delegating responsibility to the teachers in that classroom to teach, train, and show the new employee what they need to hear and know from you.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
It's tempting to skip going over the policies and procedures and put the new employee directly into the classroom. But it's very frustrating for the staff already there when somebody comes in knowing nothing about what they should or should not be doing. They'll tend to stand in a corner and watch.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
One of the biggest frustrations I heard from staff was, “They don't even know how to change a diaper.” Your average adult does know how to change a diaper, but changing a diaper in accordance with all the required policies from your licensing organization is a different matter. Teaching those basic skills and helping new staff members understand how they can be helpful and fit in before you put them in the classroom makes a big difference in how your staff feel about and treat the newcomer, and in how the newcomer feels when they step into the classroom.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
One other thing, Emily: After they've gotten settled, and this is on page 49 in chapter three of our book, we talk about informally visiting them. Once you get them into the classroom space, visit them there once or twice a week. Check in and have a separate, informal conversation: “Hey, how are things going?”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
One thing I've done, and would add if I could go back and edit the book, is perhaps a sneak peek into content for the next book.
Emily Garman:
Second edition.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
There we go. During a new teacher's third or fourth week, I send them an email and ask them to respond to five questions: What has surprised you the most about our program, the classroom, and the children so far? How do you feel you've connected with your teaching team? What would you like to give specific attention to developing or working on as your first priority?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
What's been the most challenging situation you've experienced so far? What have you already learned about yourself that you didn't realize? I ask them to take a couple of days to think over those questions and respond to my email, and then we set up a time to talk. As you can see, they're open-ended questions.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
There are no right or wrong answers. I am asking them to be honest and vulnerable with me. This is not any type of assessment or evaluation. It's just a check-in to see how things are going, whether they might need support, where their interests lie, and what we need to do administratively to enhance their experience in the classroom.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Stressed-out directors may think, “I don't have time to do all of that. That sounds great.” It doesn't take much time. Amy already has her questions. She sends an email, lets the staff member answer them, and then meets with them for 15 or 20 minutes after they've worked there for three or four weeks. That's not a huge time investment, but it has a very big payoff.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Agreed.
Emily Garman:
It shows that person you're interested in what they think and in their feedback. You're open to hearing difficult things or suggestions they might have, and that helps them feel engaged, invested, and valued. That's a great idea. You mentioned delegation earlier, as in, “This is a new employee. I'll just put them in the classroom,
Emily Garman:
and the person who's already there can teach them what to do,” and how that can backfire. Delegation also came up during the webinar, and I wanted to circle back to it. You were talking about some of the things you've just mentioned, and we received feedback in the live chat.
Emily Garman:
A lot of directors were chiming in and saying, “That sounds great, but how am I supposed to delegate when I can't count on anybody but myself? I can't count on some of my staff, or half of my staff might be out.”
Emily Garman:
When somebody feels like they're doing everything themselves and can't count on anybody else, what can they do? When you feel like you're the only reliable option, how can you start to delegate?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I want to read part of our book and acknowledge something that Jill and I both had to come to realize: “For many of us, delegating does not come naturally. It is a skill we must intentionally practice. Delegation only works when you're able to confidently believe that your way is not the only way for something to get done, and that just because someone else doesn't do it exactly like you would, it can still be done well.”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
That was a big thing I had to come to terms with. There was the issue of whom to delegate to, but there was also what I can now call the arrogance of believing my way is the best and only way. We have a lot of responsibilities, but being able to release some of that “hold it close, I'm in control” mentality has served me well. Sometimes people have better ideas and better ways of doing things than I ever considered.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Even if it's not done exactly as I would have done it or preferred, it is accomplished and acceptable. That was something else off my plate that I was able to share with someone else.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Amy, I want to add that sometimes it's not arrogance about your way being the only way. Sometimes it's fear. Directors have so much responsibility. We're caring for very young children, and we can't see through walls and floors. You're worried that maybe this person won't meet all the licensing requirements or that it just won't be done right.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
That could cause a big problem. I think fear is a motivator, too. It's a little of both, depending on which mood you're in.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
To go back to the part about not trusting the people you're working with or who could help in certain situations, I would say take a careful look at it in two different ways. Is it really that they cannot be trusted, or am I not willing to let go and trust?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Those are two very different issues. I can control one of them. I don't necessarily have control over someone's job performance, but in our positions, we usually do have some say in whether they stay in that role. Are they the best person to have as your other administrator, a lead teacher, or whatever the role might be in your program?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Be mindful of that, but also get honest. That's what I had to do. I had to ask myself, “Why is it so hard for me to delegate?” It wasn't that there weren't competent people. I wasn't trusting in their competency.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
We trust them with the children every day, and that's the most important part of what we do. There's some level of trust there.
Emily Garman:
Delegation sounds like a leap of faith. If you don't trust people with increasingly bigger responsibilities and give them a role in how the center operates, you can't build the team you want to be able to trust. You have to trust people and give them opportunities.
Emily Garman:
It's a leap of faith. You write that delegation can make people feel trusted and valued because they feel like their ideas and abilities matter to the program. For somebody still struggling with the idea that “I can't trust, I can't delegate, and I don't trust anybody else to do it but me,”
Emily Garman:
what are some responsibilities and tasks a director could hand over to a staff member? What should not be delegated?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I'm going to start with what should not be delegated, because there's a list in the book. Hard conversations, usually uncomfortable ones related to disciplinary action or needed corrective measures, should not be delegated. Those sit on our desks. They're not fun or comfortable, but they are our responsibility.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Confidential matters involving personnel, payroll, salaries, and that kind of information should stay with you. We also address the budget and financial matters. You may develop those alongside someone else, but the nitty-gritty details should stay with you. You also shouldn't delegate something just because it's unpleasant and you don't want to do it.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
That's not okay, either. Do the unpleasant work and get it taken care of. Beyond that, there are things I have delegated to my assistant director. For example, I delegate giving prospective families tours of our program. Jill says, “No, I want to be the one who does that.” Another example is posting jobs in different places. I don't necessarily need to do that myself.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I can write the job description and give it to an administrative assistant to post. Professional development is another area we've both identified. Our teachers are experts in certain areas. Some submit conference proposals and present, and some have been with you for years.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
They are a wealth of information, and they can share it with others inside or outside your program. I always joke with my administrative team that I tried and failed miserably for years to maintain some type of Sunshine Committee or hospitality group to celebrate people. It's important, and I like doing things like that, but alongside everything else, it kept falling by the wayside and moving further down the list.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Last year, I found out that my cook and my lead teacher both love doing things like that. I paired them up and said, “Run with it. Whatever you do is fine with me. Do we have a budget? I don't know. We'll talk about that, but just make a plan to acknowledge and celebrate people.” We now have a Sunshine Committee.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
It wasn't anything I was able to sustain on my own. For other directors, doing things like that may fulfill them and feed their hearts, so it may not be something they'd want to delegate. Don't give away the good stuff or what brings you joy, but find some things you can let go of and share with others.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
That made me think, Amy. You don't want to give away the good stuff because you need some joy in what you're doing. But sometimes you do have to give up the good stuff because there are so many other things you really have to do. Maybe you'll get back to your joy later. We may be a little different on that.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
That's okay. You have to decide what's best for your center. Listening to Amy talk about teachers who were excellent in the classroom and had been there for years, I thought they deserved delegation. Delegation is not unkind. It's a recognition of someone's expertise and what they contribute to your program. It is a big leap, but it's one that benefits your staff.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
It's not dumping.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
We also discussed delegating things like scheduling playground times and deciding which classroom can use the playground at which time. The teachers should be able to discuss that because they know their classroom routines and schedules better than the director ever will. They can inventory supplies. If someone does most of the art in your center, they can tell you how many buckets of paint they need. That is very helpful.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
They can help develop a plan to upgrade shared spaces and decorate bulletin boards. There are many things, including communication with your families and within your center, that need to be done well and with attention to detail. Your teaching staff are well placed to do those things. It's important to delegate with confidentiality in mind.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
It would not be appropriate to ask a classroom teacher to help with payroll. That would need to be someone on your administrative team. Going over all the children's files and checking the details should also be done by an administrator. Think about the roles and delegate within them so you're not asking somebody to do something that isn't a good fit.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
You just reminded me, Jill, of an assistant teacher I had years ago. She came to me and said, “There's nothing on the bulletin board in the hallway.” I said, “I know.” She asked, “Would it be okay if I put something up there?” I said, “Yes, that would be awesome.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Please put something up there.” She made a beautiful display, and people walked down the hall to see it. I asked her, “Do you want to do some others in the building? There are more empty bulletin boards.” She said, “I would love to.” It had been on my to-do list for months, but I'm not very creative.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
It would have taken me forever, and I probably would have just put up some pretty paper. This assistant teacher got so much fulfillment and joy from using her talents and interests to benefit the program, and I was very grateful. As long as she was with us, that was what she did.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I told her, “If you ever get tired of it, just let me know.” She never did. She loved it.
Emily Garman:
You wouldn't always know about people's skills and interests without good, open communication and dialogue. When people can do things like plan birthday celebrations or decorate, it makes their job more enjoyable. They enjoy coming to work because they get to do something they like in addition to the job, and that's what it's all about.
Emily Garman:
Another issue that came up in the webinar, again related to staffing, was conflict and drama between staff members. You use the phrase “listen past the pain” in the book.
Emily Garman:
Tell me a little about that. What does it look like when a staff member comes into your office angry about a coworker, convinced that nobody appreciates them, or threatening to quit? How do you listen compassionately without becoming responsible for fixing everybody's feelings?
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
The first thing I do is take a deep breath. It's hard when somebody comes in very upset, tells you all about it, and uses a firm or agitated tone of voice. I sit there and make myself take a deep breath. I often put my hands in my lap under my desk where they can't see them.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
If I'm upset, I try to stay as neutral as possible because that person is in pain. They've been through something that has really ruffled them, and they need somebody to listen, really listen, and care. Once they've calmed down, we can work together to find solutions.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
But making yourself the problem solver every time somebody has a complaint will truly make you crazy and will not help your staff work together as a team. There are steps we can take to share that problem-solving. If somebody is so angry and upset that they can't express themselves well, you can give them a bottle of cold water.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
I kept a refrigerator in my office and would offer a drink. There's something about taking a moment to swallow the water and slow your breathing. I kept boxes of tissues and kindly offered one when needed. If they can't calm down while you're sitting together, you could suggest, “Let's take a walk together and talk about this. I really want to hear what you have to say.”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
When you mentioned putting your hands under your desk, Jill, it reminded me of something I was once told and have tried to do: Put your hands palms-up. Especially if you're feeling attacked or your emotions are starting to rise, put your palms up under the desk or in your lap.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
That's supposed to make you more receptive, less defensive, and open to listening. Another thing I've found, which we include as a pro tip in our book, is to rehearse phrases ahead of time. Sometimes, when a heated situation is right in front of you, it can feel overwhelming. “Listen past the pain” is an acknowledgment that there's more to the situation than what you're seeing in that moment.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
There's more than what's presenting itself. Some sincere phrases you can use in response are, “I hear what you're saying,” “I understand you're upset,” and “This is something to consider.” You're not agreeing or disagreeing. You're not taking a side or problem-solving. You're acknowledging that you're sincerely listening to the employee, upset parent, or whoever is on the other side of the conversation.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
We go on to say that, at times, being heard and acknowledged is all that's needed to dampen someone's fire and result in more level-headed thinking and positive responses as you move forward.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Amy, I like that you brought up not taking sides. You may have already had their coworker in your office telling you about everything this person is doing wrong and how it's driving them crazy. You may think you know what the problem is when this person bursts into your office, but you never know all of it.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
We all see things through the lenses of our own thoughts and needs. When somebody comes into my office upset, I'm careful not to assume I know what's going on. I ask open-ended questions to learn why they think something happened or what caused it, so they can share their viewpoint.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Sometimes that has saved me from saying something really stupid because I thought I knew what was happening, and I didn't.
Emily Garman:
What you're talking about sounds like human compassion: the questions, the feedback, and the kind things you would do. Talking to anyone in distress while maintaining professionalism when you're their boss is tricky. But we can still offer kindness and compassion, such as a drink of water or a tissue.
Emily Garman:
I'm taking note of this for parenting. I have a preteen, so this is all good advice for me, too. Approaching people with compassion, listening, and reflecting back with “I hear you,” “I understand what you're saying,” or “It sounds like you're upset” is really key.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Emily, I would say that much of the content in the book applies to our administrative roles, but some of it comes from my lived experiences. It's also applicable to personal relationships, such as those between parents and children. A lot of information can be taken outside this professional role and applied elsewhere.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Thinking through all of this, it sounds great to hear these wonderful phrases you can use. They take practice, and sometimes you still mess up. Directors are human. We get irritated, angry, and upset. Taking a breath and letting the person talk for a minute until you can contain yourself will save you many problems down the road. Also, give yourself a break because none of us are perfect.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
We can tell you in the book that these things work, and they do. But sometimes we're not so perfect.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Be gentle with yourself.
Emily Garman:
Sometimes it's the end of the day and you're exhausted. Maybe this employee comes to you all the time and has a new grievance every week, so you're making assumptions about what's happening or you're at the end of your rope. Everybody brings their own concerns to every conversation.
Emily Garman:
One of the things you talk about is the loneliness of being the person in charge, the person at the top. I think it's beautiful that you found this with each other. Talk about why it's so important for directors to have relationships with people outside their programs who really get it. For any director listening who doesn't have that community yet, how do they find it?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
As you noted, we found our relationship, built this book, and experienced everything that's come out of it through a professional organization. First and foremost, it's important because you often feel like you're the only one on the ship. At least, I felt like I was steering the ship alone.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Everybody else has bailed, and I'm responsible for it. It's a very lonely place and feeling. That's why it's important to have communities, whether they include local administrators from other child care facilities in your area or people in a state or national organization. Those are places where you can not only speak your piece, vent, gripe, or complain, but also problem-solve.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Going back to COVID, and I don't want to bring it up too much because we all lived through it, those communities were sources of ideas, information, and shared understanding: “Oh my gosh, I know what you're going through. We're dealing with that, too.” It's similar to other communities in your personal life. If you're widowed and have widowed friends, they understand like few others can.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
If you have a loved one with an addiction and you're in Al-Anon, you're with others who, because of their lived experiences, have a different understanding than those who haven't had them. I've come to believe that being an administrator is very similar.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I was a classroom teacher for 13 years, and I probably complained a good bit about some of my administrators. I remember my husband at the time asking, “Do you want their job?” I said no. He replied, “Well, baby, you want to be careful about how much you complain.” After becoming an administrator and now having been in this role almost twice as long as I was a classroom teacher, I regularly remind myself that my teachers do not know what I do.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
They do not know my job, and it would be completely inappropriate for me to voice most of my concerns to any of them, or even to one of my other two administrators. Having a support system where I can safely and confidentially talk with others who understand like few others can has absolutely been a lifeline for me.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Directors are inundated with problems, upset people, and a new fire every day. Sometimes you feel like you're the only one on the ship because the teaching staff are in the classrooms doing what they need to do with the children. But you're trying to keep the ship afloat, and you start questioning yourself.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
You start doubting whether you have good judgment and thinking you're a little bit crazy. But when you find a group of people doing the same darn thing and feeling the same darn way, it helps so much. Amy and I don't agree on everything, but if I were having a horrible problem and freaking out about it, I'd call Amy.
Emily Garman:
That goes back to something you said in your answer to my first question and something you discuss near the end of the book: Directors have to remember their “why.”
Emily Garman:
You also mentioned this earlier when discussing interviews with prospective employees, but I want to dig a little deeper. If somebody has been putting out fires for so long that they've lost touch with why they chose this work in the first place, how do they find it again?
Emily Garman:
I'm curious about your “why” and how it may have changed over the years in your careers.
Emily Garman:
It really does change the way we approach work when we think about our “why.”
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
I think that, in the beginning and still today, my “why” is the children. Most directors would probably say that. I started by teaching children's theater to very young children. We traveled all over Germany, and they were amazing. They built and moved the sets, and I had so much fun. When we returned to the United States, I was looking for a job. There weren't any theater jobs available, but there was one as the director of a before- and after-school program.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
I was fortunate to receive a lot of wonderful professional development and began realizing what an important career this is. Then I moved into early childhood, became the director of an early childhood program, and eventually earned my master's degree and doctorate in the field. Through all of that, the children have stayed central. They are my “why.”
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
They are behind every decision I make. Is it in the children's best interests? How will this impact the children? That drives everything I do every day. But I added a new “why” as I became a more experienced and confident director. I began finding joy in realizing that I am keeping the ship afloat.
Maybe it's a little crazy sometimes, but I can handle a million things at once and make it through the other side. Sometimes I think the best training I ever received for this field was working in fast food while paying my way through college. You're running around trying to do everything with a smile on your face.
That's what directors have to do every day. I find joy in knowing that I do my job pretty well. There are moments when I'm not perfect, but I do my job pretty well, and it makes a difference. That's my “why.” Amy, what's yours?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I came into administration expecting to be there for two months. I was a placeholder, asked to serve as interim. Those two months quickly turned into, “Can you stay for six months? Instead of leaving in June, can you stay until December?” I understand fiscal and calendar years now.
I didn't know about that before. I came from a classroom, where there was a school year, and that was it. At some point during the formal hiring search, I thought, “I'm learning a lot, and I feel like I have something to offer. I don't have any formal training or education in administration and leadership, but I'm going to try this.”
Now, 20 years later, that's where I still am. My “why” for getting my doctorate was that I wanted to teach preservice teachers. I loved teaching young children. I had two-year-olds, pre-K, and kindergarten, and I loved developing relationships with their families. But when I knew I wasn't going to be a classroom teacher for the rest of my professional career, I wanted to earn my doctorate so I could teach people who wanted to be teachers. The position initially allowed me that opportunity.
That was my “why” for going into the position. I also gain a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment from assisting other adults in their professional development, whether that means earning the next degree, taking the next course, obtaining the next certification, or encouraging somebody to submit a conference proposal and seeing it through to the presentation.
That feeds me because I feel it will have lasting effects. Those teachers become the ones training the next teachers. Or substitutes who never thought they would go into teaching suddenly fall in love with it and become full-time teachers with us.
I think that's a big part of my “why” for staying with it. The children are, too, absolutely. We have jobs because of the children and their families. But the adult education component is also important to me. Burnout is a very real possibility, especially if you're one of those people who is doing and taking on everything.
“I'm responsible.” You're burning the candle at more than both ends and working 12-, 14-, or 16-hour days. I know it. I've been there and done that. I'm in recovery from that at this point, and I limit my workdays. In the book, we provide space for readers to answer the question, “Why do I choose to be a director?” and really give it some thought.
You're not trapped there. No one is holding you hostage in your administrative role. Why do you choose to be a director? What do you do well? What can you identify as your strengths and talents? What special qualities do you bring to the program?
What are your biggest strengths? What do you look forward to at work? I know that sometimes there may be nothing. A few years ago, I was in that place. I didn't look forward to anything. I gave myself permission to leave and applied to be an assistant principal in our county.
I didn't even get an interview, much less an offer. But something happened in me when I openly acknowledged, “I don't have to do this. This is a choice.” It was like turning a corner. Suddenly, I thought, “I'm here for a reason, and I will choose to be here as long as I have a purpose in this program.”
That has made a world of difference.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
It is also the teaching part of working with adults, Amy. Not everybody teaches college-level courses, but as a director, you teach your staff every day. You're the one who knows the regulations forward and backward. You know what your accrediting organization looks for, your state's quality rating system requirements, and what makes high-quality child care.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
You teach your staff every day by explaining your policies and procedures and helping them use positive guidance with a child who is a little more challenging. When you delegate, you're teaching your staff. There is joy in seeing the pride a person feels when they're given a responsibility, their work is appreciated and noticed, and it makes a difference.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
So directors are teachers.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
That reminds me of something I told someone in my personal life when they asked for my opinion. I said, “You're going to have to figure that out.” The response was, “No, you always have great advice. Tell me what to do.” I said, “Here's the thing: If I tell you what to do and it works, I get the credit.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
That doesn't do you any good. If I tell you what to do and it doesn't work, I get blamed. That doesn't do either of us any good. You're fully capable of figuring this out, and I trust you to make the decision that's best for you.”
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I wanted to tell them what to do, but I didn't.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Sometimes you want people to stop asking what to do all the time. You need them to think on their own. One sneaky thing I did was put a copy of the state regulations in the staff handbook so every staff member had them in hand. When they came to me and asked, “How long are we supposed to wash hands?” or “When are we supposed to wash hands?”
I would say, “I'd love to talk to you about that, but I don't have the regulations in front of me. Can you look it up and come back tomorrow? We'll review it together, brainstorm, and figure out what we need to do.” That gives them the route to the answer.
It's right there in their hands. After a while, they start looking at the regulations without expecting you to be their dictionary. It's wonderful.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I love how you describe that as sneaky. I think it's strategic and clever.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
Okay.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
Thank you.
Emily Garman:
There's a line in the book that jumped out at me, and you mentioned it in the webinar, too. This is predominantly a field of women, and we tend to take on everything, feel responsible for everything, want to fix everything, and work too much. But you said, “Remember that you are as important as you think everyone else is.”
As a director, you spend all day responding to the needs of children, their families, and your staff. What does it look like to believe that sentence in practice, especially when taking care of yourself feels like one more thing you don't have time to do?
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I'm so glad you brought that up and excited that it stood out to you. It's one of those ideas to live by in all areas of life, not just at work. Again, from the book, everyone else's issues, concerns, frustrations, and emotions cannot constantly be what's most important to you. It's not healthy when others become the barometer for you.
I had to overcome the idea that putting myself first was selfish. I was brought up in a home where you were thoughtful and considerate of others, and I still think I am a thoughtful and considerate person. We go into more detail in the book about how being thoughtful of yourself is not selfish.
We rarely stop considering others. Usually, the issue is that we overconsider their thoughts and needs and always put them ahead of ourselves. Another line says, “If the choices you make are those you can live with without regret, resentment, or exhaustion, you are making your own happiness a priority along with your sanity, calmness, and peace.”
That's the ultimate self-care: You are as important as you think everyone else is. It doesn't mean other people don't matter. It means you matter, too.
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
It's generous to others for you to take care of yourself. Sometimes directors never take a break or have lunch, and they work early and late. That's what I was doing, too. Then one of the other administrators said, “I need to stay late today.” I said, “No, you don't. You need to go home and spend time with your husband.”
She said, “Jill, you stay late all the time, and I need to, too.” I realized I was asking somebody to do what I said, not what I did. If I took my lunch break and left on time most of the time, while recognizing there would be moments when I couldn't, my team would understand that they should take care of themselves, too.
Taking care of myself was taking care of my team. I also became much less grumpy, so it was good for everybody.
It is a gift not just to yourself but to those around you. This is not a self-help or self-care book, but we do offer concrete strategies. It's one thing to say, “Put yourself first and take care of yourself.” We also provide simple ideas and suggestions.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
These include spending time in nature, keeping a gratitude journal, and using what's literally at your fingertips, such as mindfulness apps. An app can go off once a day and remind you to pause for one minute. I say one minute because I was about to say five, but five is too long. That's too much. I can't give up five minutes, but I can give one.
These are things you do for your own benefit. The book includes information about putting self-care into practice and ideas you can use. If that's new for you, it may help. Or you may already meditate daily, in which case I'm envious. Maybe you have the ability to do yoga. Yoga is awesome.
If you've already got your self-care down pat, we look forward to hearing your ideas about it.
Emily Garman:
That's one of the things I really like about this book. It provides concrete examples of things you can do. It doesn't just say, “Take care of yourself.” It explains how, and I like that.
To wrap up the episode, let's imagine a nightmare Monday morning scenario that everybody in your position dreads. A director listening to us has two staff members call out. A parent is waiting outside her office with a complaint, the licensing team could show up at any minute, and something somewhere is probably leaking.
She reaches for a copy of your book, It's Fine! Everything's Fine! (And You're in Charge.). What do you want her to remember before she starts running around putting out fires?
Jill Jacobi-Vessels, PhD:
You are not alone. The biggest takeaway is that you're not alone. In the middle of Monday morning mania, everything can't be the most important thing at once. Breathe, think, prioritize what absolutely has to be done first, and then act.
We want to remind you to find a group of directors you can talk with. No one who isn't a director can fully appreciate how crazy that Monday morning can be. It's our experience day after day. Those nightmares are real, and we have to deal with them. Having friends who truly get it is pure gold.
Find or create your group, and be kind to yourself. Remember, we're all out there having those crazy Mondays. I often think the time spent running around and figuring things out has made me a better person. We hope our book, It's Fine! Everything's Fine! (And You're in Charge.), will help you proactively prevent some of your fires.
Read it in advance. But when you're in the middle of a fire, we've set it up so you can open to the relevant section and read quickly to jump-start your brain. You already have a lot of great ideas, and you know your program better than anyone else. Hopefully, holding the book in your hands reminds you that we're thinking of you and you're not alone.
Emily Garman:
Jill and Amy, thank you so much for joining me. It's been such fun talking with you today. I think many directors listening will feel a little less alone after this conversation.
Amy Kay Powell, PhD:
I hope so. I really do.
Emily Garman:
It's Fine! Everything's Fine! (And You're in Charge.) is available now from Gryphon House Books. Thank you for listening to Early Childhood Chapters. I'm Emily Garman, and I'll see you next time.